My week of recovery and reflection is almost over. I’ve started working again, I’m off the drugs and planning to make a cheese ball for a gathering on Sunday. Shouldn’t there be something else? A blinding moment of clarity? The “aha” moment that changes my life path forever?
This is just like the movie endings I hate…
- the one where the couple that’s been kept apart finally realizes they love each other and share that sickly sweet smile and move in for the kiss (screen fades out),
- or where the house might still be haunted even though the creepy exorcist lady announces “my work here is done” (TV flickers on),
- or the tough chicks that learn all about life and find themselves (and Brad Pitt’s abs) suddenly drive their convertible off the cliff (we don’t even get to see the crash).
All of these things make me ask “WHAT NEXT”?! Things just end in the movies and they don’t in real life.
I have new, perky breasts and I’m cancer free but where is my battle? Now that I know cancer won’t be killing me anytime soon, can I still live each day as if it were my last, prioritizing the things that really matter the most? What is going to keep me grounded and centered so I never forget that it’s OK to let the floor get dirty, let produce go bad in the fridge, run out of dish soap, forget a friend’s birthday, or leave the bed unmade (actually that never happens regardless – I could lose a limb and still insist on making the bed). What will remind me to patiently sit by Gavin, stroking his hair until he falls asleep even though a thousand “to dos” are running through my head? Or to just appreciate the lakes, the sunshine, the flowers, my friends, Brian’s blue eyes, and Julia’s freckles?
“She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short” – “Bittersweet” by Brian Andreas (www.storypeople.com)
So here is my plan. You are all my accountability partners. If we find ourselves taking things that really don’t matter too seriously we have to call each other out. I think we need a mantra. This is work in progress so feel free to jump in with comments.
“Breathe. This too shall pass. What will I do today that really matters?”
Love and saline -
I like the idea of the game of life… and using MY rules.
Thanks Steve!
Sounds great, in theory. Reality says sometimes unimportant things get to us just because there are 28 other things sucking the energy out of us. Reality says sometimes we just hit a point where we need to scream or cry or have a nervous break down, and it’s ok. It’s what we do AFTER that; how we get on with life. That’s where we are held accountable. The rest of the time, I’ll be here to support you, as you have supported me. That is what friends do – when they’re not busy snorting. Love ya!!
The beautiful thing about life is that you get to keep score using your rules. Everything is important….and nothing is important. Important is in the eyes of the beholder. I will stand beside you and remind you to not take things too seriously, but only if you help me understand what that means to you. I will pledge to hold you accountable to your rules, and not to hold you accountable to my rules. Your God is yours, mine is mine.
This too shall pass, and this as well. As we must have the tenacity to live life fully and not mistake the mundane as important, we must also be courageous in owning what is important to each of us, fully. What is important to you may not be what is important to me, but I pledge to help you score well in the game of your life, using your rules.
Big love!
My suggestion coming from the other side of cancer and watching someone lose the battle. I keep myself around other people going through the same thing I’ve been through and help in any way I can. Even if that just means being there so they can vent. It helps me remember that every day counts and we just never know what is going to happen on any particular day. “Life is short eat desert first”
Think about you often Jen glad this thing is behind you now!
I’m in.